Raise your hand if you’ve ever thought, “Why is dating so hard?!” Now, raise your hand again if you’ve spent way too many nights swiping left, swiping right, and yet… here you are, still single and ready to delete every dating app from your phone. You’re not alone. Millennials in big cities like New York—ranked as one of the most difficult cities for dating —seem to be trapped in a dating black hole. Everyone wants a relationship, but nobody seems to find one.

What’s going on here? Is it the apps? The people? Or maybe it’s us? This article will break down the struggles, challenges, and mistakes millennials are making with dating apps—and more importantly, what you can do to finally stop swiping in circles and find that elusive connection.

1. The Dating App Overload: Too Many Options, Not Enough Connections

Let’s start with the obvious: there are a lot of dating apps out there. From Tinder to Bumble, Hinge to OkCupid, we’re spoiled for choice when it comes to finding someone who might be “The One.” But here’s the catch: too many options can actually be a bad thing. With endless profiles to swipe through, it’s easy to fall into "choice paralysis." You keep swiping, convinced that someone better is just one swipe away. Spoiler alert: they’re probably not.

In fact, a 2023 Pew Research Center report found that 37% of online daters think they are faced with "too many options" on dating platforms, making it difficult to settle on one person.This overload of options leads us to become overly picky about trivial details, like their love for pineapple on pizza or their questionable fashion sense. We stop seeing the real person behind the profile and start searching for a fantasy version that doesn’t actually exist.

Now, imagine yourself in a Love Is Blind scenario—you know, that Netflix show everyone keeps binging. If you were sitting behind that wall, what would you really be looking for in the person on the other side? Would it be their appearance, or would you focus on things like shared values, emotional connection, and whether you can laugh together? Now, ask yourself: is that really what you’re focusing on in your dating app search? Are your first few interactions, or text exchanges, with your matches about meaningful conversations, or are you getting distracted by superficial details?

Main issue: The more options we have, the less likely we are to commit to any of them. We’re becoming picky about insignificant things, swiping away from potential matches over tiny imperfections, all because we think someone “better” is just around the corner.

Solution: Focus on quality, not quantity. Instead of mindlessly swiping through hundreds of profiles, take your time to actually read someone’s bio and get a sense of who they are. You’re not shopping for the “perfect” partner (spoiler #2: perfection doesn’t exist). What you’re looking for is someone you can genuinely build a connection with—someone who, if you met them behind a wall on Love Is Blind, you’d want to keep talking to

2. Everyone Wants a Relationship—But Nobody Wants to Be Vulnerable

Here’s the paradox: we’re all desperate for meaningful relationships, yet we’ve somehow become emotionally unavailable at the same time. We’re constantly seeking love, but when it comes to actually being open and vulnerable, we freeze. It’s no wonder that 70% of millennials say they have been ghosted, and many admit that they’re afraid of being too open in their dating interactions. We’ve all been ghosted, breadcrumbed, or stuck in a situationship, and now we’re scared to truly put ourselves out there. Let’s be honest—it’s easier to swipe and chat than to open up and be vulnerable. We want love, but we’re terrified of rejection.

What is it about opening up and being vulnerable that has us all running for cover? Think about it: we spend hours posting every aspect of our lives online, sharing photos, stories, and even intimate thoughts on social media. But when it comes to face-to-face interactions, where there’s no filter and no chance to curate how we’re seen, we freeze. Why? Because, in person, rejection stings in a way a “left on read” message never could. It’s raw, it’s real, and it’s uncomfortable. So, instead of risking it, we hide behind casual chats, “playing it cool,” and keeping things on the surface. And guess what? That’s not working.

Main issue: Fear of vulnerability is leading to shallow, superficial connections. We avoid the hard stuff—like expressing how we feel or stating what we really want—because we’re too busy protecting ourselves from potential hurt. But in doing so, we’re robbing ourselves of the chance to build real, meaningful relationships. 

Here’s the thing—being vulnerable doesn’t mean spilling your life story on the first date, but it does mean being honest about your intentions. If you’re looking for a serious relationship, say it. If you’re not feeling the connection, don’t ghost—communicate. Being vulnerable also means being okay with the possibility that things might not work out. And that’s scary, sure. But without that risk, you’ll never know what could happen.

What does vulnerability actually mean? It’s about showing up as your real self, flaws and all, and not hiding behind a filtered version of yourself. It means expressing what you want, admitting when you’re scared, and being open to rejection—because at the end of the day, rejection is part of the process. And sometimes, in the process of opening up, we realize that we have things to work on before committing to someone else. It’s not always about the other person—sometimes, vulnerability shows us what we need to heal or strengthen within ourselves.

Solution: It’s time to get real. Start putting yourself out there by being honest about what you want and where you stand. Stop “playing it cool.” If you’re looking for a relationship, say it. Vulnerability may be scary, but it’s the only way to forge a genuine connection. And remember, the people who are worth your time will appreciate your honesty, not run from it. By being open, you give yourself—and the other person—a real chance to connect, to build something meaningful, and to see where it can go.

3. The Highlight Reel Problem: Everyone Is Trying Too Hard to Impress

Let’s talk about those perfectly curated profiles. You know, the ones where every photo is filtered, every adventure looks spontaneous and exciting, and every hobby is perfectly on-trend? We’re all guilty of this to some extent—trying to showcase the best version of ourselves to attract more matches. But here’s the thing: we’re so focused on looking perfect that we forget to be real.

According to dating experts, millennials spend more time curating their online profiles than they do interacting with potential matches . The focus on image has created a “highlight reel” problem, where authenticity takes a backseat to looking flawless.

Main issue: When everyone’s presenting a highlight reel of their life, it becomes hard to know who someone really is. You’re left swiping through people who all seem the same—perfect, yet somehow too perfect. Authenticity is rare, and without it, making a true connection becomes nearly impossible.

Solution: Stop treating your dating profile like a branding exercise. Ditch the filters and let your personality shine through. Share the quirks, the flaws, the real you. This will help you connect with people who are genuinely interested in who you are—not just your “Instagram-worthy” adventures.

4. The Dreaded Ghosting Epidemic: Why We Can’t Seem to Communicate

Ah, ghosting. The millennial dating phenomenon where someone disappears without a trace, leaving you wondering if they were abducted by aliens or just lost interest. The truth? It’s easier to ghost than to have an uncomfortable conversation. But this trend of disappearing after a few messages or dates is one of the biggest barriers to forming real connections.

According to a 2023 Pew Research Center study, 45% of online daters report feeling frustrated with their online dating experiences, often due to superficial or impersonal interactions like ghosting. Ghosting has become the default method of ending things when we’re unsure or just don’t feel a spark—but it leaves everyone feeling confused, hurt, and ultimately disconnected.

Main issue: Ghosting has become the go-to method for avoiding difficult conversations. Instead of saying “I’m not interested” or “I don’t see this going anywhere,” people vanish, leaving everyone frustrated and confused.

Solution: Practice direct communication. If you’re not feeling it, be honest—without disappearing. A simple, “Hey, I don’t think we’re a good match, but I wish you the best,” goes a long way. It’s called being a decent human. On the flip side, don’t take ghosting personally—it’s more about them than it is about you.

5. Cities Are Full of Singles—So Why Are We Still Not Finding Each Other?

You’re living in a city packed with eligible singles. Take New York, for example—recently ranked as one of the most difficult cities to date in. Yet, despite being surrounded by thousands of people who are also swiping away, searching for a connection, we’re still struggling to find love. So, what’s the deal?

Here’s the brutal truth: yes, we’re more disconnected than ever—but it’s also about how little effort we’re putting into the process. We’ve become a society of consumption. We consume content, relationships, and even people at lightning speed. We’re so focused on swiping, matching, and checking the next thing on our to-do list that we don’t even take the time to enjoy a conversation or savor a dinner date. We’re already thinking about what’s next while we’re in the middle of what’s now.

And then, of course, we’re glued to our phones, expecting dating apps to do all the work for us. But here’s the thing—dating apps are just matchmakers. They’re like the introduction, not the whole story. Getting a match is only step one; after that, you need to do the work. You need to give the other person the opportunity to meet you, to understand you, to share your values and open up to who you really are. We expect instant connections, but ask yourself—are we giving as much as we expect to get?

Main issue: We’re relying too much on the convenience of apps, expecting magic to happen after a swipe, and then bouncing to the next match when it doesn’t. In a city full of singles, we’re walking past potential connections every day, oblivious because we’re too busy swiping, scrolling, and thinking about who might be next in line. And even when we do meet someone, we rush through the experience, treating it like another “task” rather than a chance to build something real.

Solution: Get out there—literally. But this time, be present. Stop treating dating like another thing to check off your list. Start making real effort. Engage with people in real-life settings—join a group, attend events, pick up a new hobby, or even just strike up a conversation with that person you see at your local coffee shop. Give yourself and others the space to connect beyond the profile picture and bio. Relationships take time, energy, and, most importantly, attention.

Instead of endlessly swiping and moving on the moment a conversation doesn’t immediately spark fireworks, take the time to truly engage. Ask meaningful questions, listen, and let things develop naturally. You’d be surprised at how many opportunities to connect you’ve been missing by rushing through the process or letting an app dictate your love life.

Fixing What We’re Doing Wrong

If dating apps aren’t working for you, it’s not just because the system is flawed—it’s time to admit that we might be part of the problem too. The truth is, we can’t always blame the apps, the city, or “modern dating.” Sometimes, we need to look at how we’re approaching dating and realize that maybe we’re getting in our own way. Let’s talk about where we’re dropping the ball—and how to pick it back up.

Here’s where we often mess up:

• We’re overwhelmed by options, so we don’t commit. With endless profiles to swipe through, we’re constantly waiting for someone “better” and forgetting to give people a real chance.

• We’re afraid to communicate our needs, so we stay silent and expect the other person to magically figure it out. Newsflash: they don’t know you yet. You can’t assume they’ll just know what you want or how you feel. If you want something—whether it's more effort, more conversation, or a relationship—say it. Your date isn’t a mind reader.

• We make minimal effort. Okay, so you matched. Great! But now what? Are you actively trying to have an engaging conversation, or are you waiting for something to happen? If you take three days to reply and expect the other person to keep the spark alive, guess what? They’re going to lose interest—just like you would if they did the same to you.

• We’re too focused on appearance and our long list of criteria. Let’s face it: sometimes, we’re overly picky. We dismiss people because they don’t check off every box on our list or don’t look a certain way. But let’s get real—how someone looks in their profile pictures or whether they love the same Netflix shows as you won’t tell you much about who they really are.

• We ghost instead of communicating. Rather than having a mature, direct conversation, we ghost when we’re not interested. It’s become a modern dating epidemic, and it’s only creating more disconnection and confusion.

• We rely too much on apps, missing out on real-world interactions. Sure, dating apps are convenient, but there’s a whole world of potential matches out there that you pass by every day. Sometimes, you just need to look up from your phone and engage with the people around you.

The Solution?

It’s time to get intentional. Put in the effort—actually respond, ask questions, and communicate what you’re looking for. Stop waiting for the other person to magically “get it.” Be upfront about your needs, interests, and intentions early on, rather than expecting them to figure it out on their own.

Drop the long checklist. Stop holding out for someone who fits a specific mold and start giving real people a chance. Everyone has flaws and quirks, and no one is going to fit your list perfectly—nor should they.

And most importantly, step away from the apps every now and then. Get out into the real world, talk to people, and see where things go. Love isn’t just hiding in your inbox—it’s also out there, beyond the screen.

Swipe less, engage more, communicate your needs, and remember that dating is a two-way street. Make the effort, be vulnerable, and let go of the endless quest for perfection. You might just find that love is closer than you think.